Occupation: Diet Reviewer
Reading: The Scarsdale Diet by Dr. Herman Tarnower
I don’t know how many of you have had the pleasure of reading any diet books, but I find if you read them as if they were fiction it is nearly akin to stream-of-thought-consciousness and absurdity. As a matter of fact, I think all diet books should be reviewed as works of fiction. For those of you who don’t know (and, unless you come from a diet-obsessed family such as my own, why would you?) The Scarsdale Diet was the Atkins Diet of the early 1980s. It is called The Scarsdale Diet because it became the diet of choice among the wealthy society ladies of Scarsdale, New York. Thus, Dr. Tarnower became a bit of the Rasputin of the Diet World. Sadly, Dr. T was murdered by his mistress in the late ‘80s and thus his words of nutritional wisdom were snuffed out prematurely. It is also interesting to note the thank yous in the introduction—ALL women. Sadly, though he was “grateful to Jean Harris for her splendid assistance in the research and writing of the book,” she would be his Waterloo. Much like E! True Hollywood Story, the writing is on the wall.
What people (Dr. Phil) don’t understand, is that to many of us, reading diet books is part of the enjoyment. I would like to stress, that I am, by no means trying to trivialize those in need of, or obsessed by, weight loss. In fact, I consider myself one of them. Maybe I’m weird, but reading The Scarsdale Diet and other D books is like reading an infomercial. Meaning: a prediction of all of the great things that will happen once you are successful on your diet. In fact, I can read a whole diet book and feel fulfilled without ever opening my refrigerator door. I like to think of it as reading a scientific experiment in which the Hypothesis is posed and then tested. Hypothesis: People are overweight. How can we solve this? Solution: By following these simple steps, you too can be a healthy and lean person. The book has everything—a Q & A section, explanations of fat burning, tables of weight loss, a glossary of various physical exertions and the accompanying caloric loss, and, most importantly the Desired Weight Chart. For instance, who knew that typing burns 80-100 calories/hour, or that ironing only burns 60-80? Like Cosmo before him, Dr. T fields many questions of varying degrees of intelligence from his readers. I would like to add that these are real questions posed by real—though perhaps not very bright—people. I like to picture the no-nonsense Dr. T hunched over a candle, shaking his head and frantically writing back to his faithful legions with quill pen and plate of crunchy and delicious carrots and celery on hand:
Q. My husband says he’s “naturally fat” and therefore can’t lose weight; is that true?
A. I question anyone being “naturally fat” since I’ve seen so many people who have been fat all their lives finally trim down on the Scarsdale Diets. If your husband has a metabolic or other problem causing his overweight, his doctor should be able to help control that.
Q. I had to entertain a client at a business lunch, had to go along with a martini and dessert, and gained a few pounds. How can I prevent this?
A. Your client is probably a sensible, intelligent person. All you have to do is to urge her to have what she wants and explain why you are having soda and more simple fare.
Q. Whenever I diet, I get cranky, and my husband says, “I like you better fat than cranky”; have you any suggestions?
A. You should be able to diet without getting cranky. Your husband, I am sure, would like to have you attractive, lean, and pleasant. The diets we have listed should help you.
Q. I was born with a “sweet tooth” and can’t give up sweets; what do you suggest?
A. That’s another popular myth. An orthodontist friend calls it “mother’s myth.” Have a diet soda when you want a sweet. Keep carrots and celery handy instead of sweet snacks.
Q. My husband warns that losing weight will weaken me, and with a houseful of kids, I must stay strong; is he right?
A. Obesity never made it easy to take care of a household and a bunch of screaming youngsters. You will be stronger lean and mean.
What I really enjoy about TCSMD is the narrator’s tone: firm and assured. No nonsense, like an unmarried sports coach before a “big game.” Between the lines we read: There are no sissies here, only lean, mean, dieting machines! Being that Dr. T’s own motto is “Chew, chew, chew!” the sky is the limit. If we read the book as an epistolary-novel, or a close relative to Thoreau’s “Walden” then we can see where Dr. T. has gotten his inspiration. Like Thoreau’s own painstaking lists of money spent, squirrels sighted, food gathered, and days spent alone in the woods, Dr. T too details the ups-and-downs of the diet guru. On p. 24 we get a glimpse into Dr. T’s own vulnerability and anxiety in regard to The Four- Pound Stop Signal: “I must confess though, that even in the heart of Kenya or Bahrein, or Bulgaria, I’ve been known to weigh myself on baggage scales and then try to transpose from kilos to pounds to give myself the bad news.”
Another exciting portion of the book is the No! No! No! List:
•No potatoes, spaghetti or similar flour-based foods.
•No candy or desserts, except fruit or no-gelatin dessert.
•No more than two slices of protein bread a day
. . .and the list goes on.
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