And now, a smattering of Weekend Unrelateds:
I saw Elf—it was cute and funny, and I’m sure it could have been more, but it also could have been much less. Lest we all forget it is a film about a man thinking he is an elf. At Christmas. In New York.
I met a man named Shannon at the bar. He said he has had a difficult life and it is hard getting old. I said, “Don’t worry, Shannon isn’t really a name anyway. It’s a river.” This did not lessen his Boy Named Sue-like hang-up. He also looked a tad like Ted Nugent.
I also a met a man who I have seen around Detroit for the last however long, and never been introduced. No worry though, as he knows everyone who knows me. I have dubbed him Mr. Detroit.
We accidentally stumbled into a frat party at a downtown bar. The music was loud and heavy-metal-esque, the girls all had manicured nails and fake tans, were requesting Madonna and Ted Nugent, had sleek hair and too-tight shirts. It was someone’s birthday and a guy took a microphone and bombastically demanded that we (the crowd) all yell “Fuck YOU Brad!” at Brad. We fled shortly thereafter.
Also, got stuck being hungover and shopping with my grandmother on Saturday morning. Forgetting her obsession with holidays and home goods, I took her to this discount Pier 1-esque store, only to lose her to the aisle of inexplicable Christmas ornaments (like crystal alligators, cats, nutcrackers with a Phantom of the Opera Mask), rows and rows of bedding and towels, and strange knick-nacks like a wooden cat with a man’s body and various Egyptian-mummy stuff. Bad idea #537. She loved it, I thought I was going to die from a combination of low-blood-sugar, the side effects of hangover, and absolute out-of-body shopping displacement syndrome. In an attempt to self-heal I bought an over-priced bag of gourmet chocolate-covered nuts and coalesced and complained with Peckish as she played Statler to my Waldorf in the entryway of the store.
Saw Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle or whatever. Does anyone else think that Demi Moore looks like high-class, ultimate gene pool selection, slightly-masculine Trashy American? Don’t get me wrong, she’s attractive, blah blah blah, but there is something about her entire physical demeanor and look (see: jawline) that says “I climbed my way up from the back of a pick-up truck and I am NEVER going to return. NEVER!” Or, maybe she is just legitimately hungry after too many years on The Zone diet. Just a thought. . .
**************Reader discretion is advised as the following paragraph is truly adults only, and not for the weak of stomach**************************
AND! AND! Peckish, L and myself, in a mis-guided attempt to find “something” to watch late at night somehow wound up watching the most disturbing Sex Talk call-in show I have ever seen in my life! And, it’s on the “woman-friendly” Oxygen Network! Imagine the SNL skit “Ladies Man” and replace him with an old lady that looks like a nun and fields questions of the most disturbing and graphic nature. We sat back expecting Love Line, and silly teenage prank callers at best, and at worst, something off the pages of the Cosmo “Please Your Man!” pages. Instead we got real people with some serious penchants for the nasty. With a capital “N”. All of the questions involved relatively pedestrian sexual acts and, in no particular order: urine, lots of butt action (rhymes with: Seamus. I just cannot type because it is such an icky word, and I know icky-people will type it into their search engines and somehow wind up on my site), body fluids on faces, “intimate” toys used on the wrong partner. Watching in horror, we were forced to ask: What in the hell is everyone doing in the bedroom? And, how does that correspond with the fact that 98.5% of the callers were from below the Mason-Dixon Line? And, why is this old lady hosting the show? What credentials does she have? What is going on on Oxygen?! I fear the nightmares this may cause me.
And that is a weekend wrap!
I want my gossip! - 2005-08-17
Goodbye, BGT! - 2005-08-08
hell hath no fury like a awriting workshop - 2005-08-01
My Love Don't Cost a Thing - 2005-07-14
Kiss My Grits! - 2005-07-06
